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Originally Posted: 2003-04-28 15:27
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Excuse me. I am the perfect woman.

I'm five feet eleven and one hundred twenty pounds. Unless you're intimidated by that, in which case the only word to describe me is "petite." By no means would I dare to be chunky. Not around you or your friends, anyway.

I have flaming red hair that's long and curly, unless you're intimidated by that, in which case I have blond hair that's cute and straightish, in a Martha Stewart-esque bob.

I have a good job, but don't worry -- it's not as good as yours.

All of my underwear is cute. And I don't ever have my period. Not around you or your friends, anyway.

I'm a gourmet cook, unless that intimidates you, in which case I charmingly burn macaroni and cheese, giggle with a blotch of flour on my nose and my chef's hat all askew, and then order out.

I can't get enough sex -- unless that intimidates you (in which case you may be gay). But don't worry -- I wouldn't EVER act slutty! At least, not around your friends or family. No, I am tomboyish and relatively proper in the outside world, but as soon as you and I get in the bedroom you'll see that I have learned to tuck my slender ankles behind my perfectly proportioned ears.

I'm always smiling, unless that intimidates you, in which case I sometimes have a thoughtful yet cute grimace on my face (maybe when I'm trying to figure out something TOUGH, like taxes or oh, I don't know, how to change a tire)!

I know how to change a tire, unless that intimidates you -- in which case, see above.

All I'm really looking for is a pudgy, balding man who lives with his mom.


post id: 10765277